Fast-Food for Spoiled Brats

Insert Homer Simpson's Drooling Noise Here...

In two days, we will be a one-income household.  Scott is leaving his job waiting tables at a restaurant, taking a week off to get ready and starting TEACHERS' COLLEGE on the 31st!!!  I could not be happier for him, and despite worrying about my salary bearing the brunt of our expenses, I know we will get through it.


Growing up, I was lucky enough not to realize people worried about money.  My parents were careful not to discuss it in front of my sister and me, and we were comfortable.  When I first moved out of my house, I was lucky enough that my mom sent healthy food down every weekend with my then-boyfriend.  Furthermore, when I DID have to grocery shop, it was financed by my more-than-generous budget from home.  Am I telling you all this because I want to sound like a spoiled brat?  No.  I'm just saying that until a couple of years ago, I did not really know how much food cost.  By this I mean, the challenge of grocery shopping was not whether or not I was getting a bargain, but to find healthy, interesting options.


I remember distinctly having an argument with another boyfriend (we lived together) about how much I spent on groceries...  he told me I had purchased the most expensive cheese he'd ever seen, and how come I didn't get chicken when it was on sale?  My answer was, "Because I wanted THAT cheese and if we need chicken, we need chicken!"  Are you hating me yet?  I'm cringing now that I think about this!  Well.  Things.  Have.  Changed.  I am now able (thanks to Scott's help and growing the hell up) to guess our grocery bill within a couple of dollars, and I ONLY buy chicken breasts when they are on sale!


Oops.  All this lead to my actual reason for posting.  I had a huge bag of chicken breasts that I had gotten on sale, and I wanted to do something different with them.  I think a common misconception of eating the way I do is that I PREFER healthy choices to unhealthy ones.  While this is often true, sometimes I want fast food too!  I just usually prefer not to have the awful, cement in your stomach, food hangover that comes with it.  So I decided I would make chicken fingers.  Hmmm....  how do you make wheat, yeast, dairy-free batter?  Here's what I did:
Oregano
Cayenne
Onion Powder
Garlic Powder
Arrowroot Starch or Flour
A packet of Dairy-Free Organic Instant Oatmeal with Flax
An egg


I sliced up the chicken breasts on the bias (way easier if they are still a little frozen), dipped them in the egg and then coated them with the batter.  Then I used a little olive oil to grease a cookie sheet and threw them in the oven for about 40 minutes at 350.  Then, because I was also making sweet potato fries, I cranked the oven to 425, put them on the top rack and turned on the convection option on my oven for about another ten minutes  (I learned from a friend's husband that this makes oven fries crispy, and it did the same for the chicken fingers).


We had the chicken with tabasco-infused ketchup, a carrot-balsamic salad and the sweet potato fries.  I guess this was my version of chicken fingers, coleslaw and fries... and it was GOOD.  I've since used this batter recipe to coat salmon, I just replaced the egg with Dijon Mustard and the Oregano with Dill.  


Guys, I'll never be normal, and eat normal food.  But at least from time to time, I get to pretend!

The Devil is in the Details

Sometimes my big mouth gets me into trouble.  Sometimes, I think I'm waaaaay more awesome than I really am.  And sometimes, no good deed goes unpunished.

Scott has a friend who is a former stand-up comedian.  He's mean.  I know that sounds harsh, but to be honest, I'm a completely overly-sensitive person and have always been terrified to go see a stand-up comedian because I'm afraid he or she would pick on me and make me cry.  Well, this guy picks on everyone, and yes, he has made me cry.  The thing is, when the "mean-ness" is directed at anyone else, it's pretty darn hilarious.  Does this make me a hypocrite?  Absolutely.  Does it make him fun to be around?  Guilty.

Last year, on this friend's birthday, I said I would make him cupcakes and then my health took a nose-dive and I didn't get to it.  This year, come hell or high water, I was.  Making.  The.  Damn.  Cupcakes.  So I go ahead and promise he'll be getting whatever kind of cupcakes he wanted.  He said Vanilla.  Um...  clearly this guy doesn't know how much I adore decorating the cupcakes!!!  Flavours?  Important, but decorations????  Gah!  The best part!  So I say (insert insane cockiness here) "What do you want on them? I can make anything!"  I tell you this:  this is the first time in my life I have suffered from HIGH self esteem.  Sheesh.

His answer:  "I want boy stuff.  You know, devils, guns, power tools."  Oh.  Em.  Gee.  Out of FONDANT?!?!

Furthermore, I live with a boy who loved his birthday guitar cake, and considers "boy stuff" to be poker, rock 'n roll and cars... all way easier to sculpt out of fondant, and all, I'm sure, easier to Google.  Well, a promise is a promise, and I like a challenge, so I got out my black and burgundy food colouring, my silver drages (obviously for shrapnel) and set to work.  I still have stains on my hands, as I quite "blondly" didn't even THINK of using gloves.  Hmmm.

Sadly, the results were less than perfect.  There were a lot of "What the hell is on those cupcakes???" and "Who the hell made THOSE?" when I brought them to Scott's work.  (Keep in mind, the last time I brought cupcakes to Scott's workplace, they were visions of chocolate monarch butterflies on the palest of yellow frosting, all made from scratch.  The guns looked confusing (I'm Canadian.  I've never even SEEN a handgun), and the devils, while pretty gnarly, actually bore a striking resemblance to the birthday boy...  

That said, the cupcakes may have been a disaster, but the karma was pretty sweeeeeeeeet!

Birthday Boy

I do not condone guns... just sayin'

Upside?  Got to use my AWESOME cupcake caddy... a wedding present from my cupcake buddy!

Linguine Al-FAKE-o!

Interestingly, you can make linguine Alfredo without wheat or dairy...  More interestingly, NOBODY you talk to will believe you can.  Haha, all you non-believers, I love a challenge!

Here are some comments I got when I said I was making a wheat-and-dairy-free Alfredo sauce:

-"So Alfredo sauce without butter or cheese.  What the hell is in it?"

-"Good luck with that!"

-"WHY???"

-"Ew.  Why does that have to sound so gross?"

Here are my answers:  tofu, thanks, because, and huh????

For the vegans out there, I apologize, but the chicken REALLY helped the taste factor, I'm sure there would be a good soy-based alternative.  I can only ask so much of Scott, too.

Anyway, I really wanted to know if there was any way to make this in a healthy, but tasty way.  I sometimes crave the bad stuff, despite the fact that I suffer the worst "food hangovers" when I let myself cheat.  I looked up a couple of recipes online to get some inspiration, but as I live in Northern Ontario, it's not as easy to come across some of the ingredients that are easily accessible in bigger cities.  Not only that, some of the "healthy foods" out there are pretty expensive.  Goat Parmesan sounds great, but I live in a town where if I WERE to find it, it would probably cost me about $40 an ounce.  Not. Gonna. Happen.  

I ended up with Kamut Linguine, Fresh Basil, Pepper, Soy Milk (get unsweetened, trust me), Extra-Firm Tofu, Kosher Salt, Lemon-Herb Chicken Breasts, Mushrooms, Broccoli, Oregano, Red Pepper Flakes, Garlic, White Wine (which is why this is technically not yeast-or-sugar-free, but come on... it's wine, I'm pretty sure it's the second tier of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, along with PVR and sparkly lip-gloss) and Arrowroot Starch.  The arrowroot starch is supposed to be an easily digestible, more natural thickener that cornstarch.  Call me vain, but it's also half the calories, so I gave it a try...  

I also bought a jar of REAL Alfredo sauce for Scott, as I have come to subscribe to the "I will experiment and make my bed and sleep in it, but you should not suffer on my behalf" mantra. Trust me, the man pays his dues, eating garbage for dinner is asking too much.

All I did was saute the garlic in olive oil, threw in the chicken, and then took it back out.  I then deglazed with the wine and took it off the heat.  Then I added the soy milk and the tofu, and hand-blended it until "smoothish."  If you are looking for "smooth," I'd suggest using softer tofu and more starch.  I then added all the spices and kept tasting until the broccoli was steamed, the mushrooms and the chicken were heated through and the pasta was cooked.  Then I threw in a little arrowroot starch at the last minute (otherwise, it apparently loses it's "thickening ability) and poured it over the pasta, mushrooms, chicken and broccoli.  The texture was a little like someone added WAY too much Parmesan to regular sauce, but all in all, success.  Scott was given a "get out of this meal free" card and he opted to try it.  He ate a whole plate, and we're still married.  

Yay for Al-FAKE-o!  And a husband who will try anything once!

The debate goes on...

In case of emergency, open jar.

Ingredients...

Why does it have to look like this?

Getting there...

Dear Lovely People at Lysol, thank you for making Lysol Wipes.  You saved my kitchen.

Voila!  Linguine Al-FAKE-o!

Iron-Woman Granola!

The reason I started this blog to begin with was that I'm stuck at home sometimes feeling awful due to some health problems.  Well, one of these problems happens to be severe anemia.  Iron-rich foods can be a little hard to take in large doses... don't get me wrong, I like steak and broccoli, I can tolerate spinach, but woman cannot live on red meat and leafy greens alone.

So.  I decided to try my hand at making home-made granola.  My mom used to do it all the time, and I like the idea of knowing exactly what is in my granola.  I also decided to make it as iron-rich and natural as I possibly could, since this whole eating clean thing seems to be working for me.  By this I mean that as long as I am eating wheat/yeast/dairy free, I'm feeling pretty good!  This, unfortunately means that when I DO cheat, (ie: a regular pasta in a restaurant, ice cream from Laura Secord) I end up feeling like absolute garbage!  Kind of like a food hangover.  Will I ever learn?

I will share my recipe, but I will defend myself peremptorily:  I don't follow recipes and I don't measure things.  I will try to give you the basic amounts of what I used, but sorry if you are someone who needs exact measurements :(

Iron-Woman Granola
Ingredients:
Oats  (about two-thirds of a full bag from Bulk Barn)
Coconut (half a Bulk Barn Bag)
Dried Cherries (Maybe two-to-three cups, cut with scissors)
Dried Apple Slices (Same as cherries)
Dark Chocolate Chips (Same as above, but no cutting.  I realize this is bad because of sugar and dairy, but I got the unsweetened ones without anything hydrogenated and dark chocolate IS high in iron)
Sliced Almonds (hmmm.... about three cups)
Sunflower Seeds (same as the almonds)
Ground Flax seed   (let's go with half-a-cup!  Maybe not iron-rich, but come on, this stuff is SO good for you!)
Molasses (whatever is left after making peanut brittle with it when you ran out of corn syrup at 11 o'clock at night and don't live in a city with a 24-hour grocery store... maybe half a carton?)
All Natural, Unpasteurized Honey (one medium container from Bulk Barn, who by the way, have these cool machines in the back that sort of keep the honey warm and flowy, and you pull the lever and pour your own... things like this are fun to me...  whatever)
Cinnamon (oooh... I use little jars instead of the containers spices come in, so I'm guessing three-to-four tablespoons)

Mix all ingredients except oats and coconut.
Grease a large cookie sheet with olive oil spray (more natural than the buttery stuff)
Spread the oats and coconut out on the tray
Pour the other ingredients over the oats and coconut and mix with your hands.
Bake at 300 for about an hour, turn the oven down to 200 and bake for another 45 minutes.
Be sure to mix it frequently to make sure it's getting dried out.

My scissors were stiiiiiiicky!

Stir it up!

A little honey :)

Mmmm.... molasses....

Granola!

I suppose the last little direction would be "Disappoint your husband repeatedly as he asks:  "Are you making granola cookies?  Are you making granola bars?"  Sorry Scott.  It's just granola :)

xo

Who Remembers "Raspberry Tart"

I am completely dating myself on this, but remember Strawberry Shortcake? Well, I remember her, and I remember her friends, too. They all had these cute, fruit-based names and so did their little pets. My sister and I had all the dolls, and they were scented (I used to chew on them, especially that little duck with the red hat, which really annoyed my sister). Anyway, Strawberry Shortcake had friends like Huckleberry Pie, Plum Puddin', Raspberry Tart, Apple Dumplin' and the twins, Lem & Ada. These are the things I think about while baking. Then I think about how weird I am. Now? Now I'm thinking how badly I wish this picture was MY collection of Strawberry Shortcake Characters.

So. Where am I going with this? Did I make strawberry shortcake? Nope. I made Raspberry Tarts. I had left-over phyllo pastry sheets in my fridge and a bag of frozen raspberries, so I thought, why not? Well, the "why not" was the fact that we are in the midst of a major heat-wave, and we are sans air-conditioning over here. My thermostat only measures in Fahrenheit, so I don't know for sure how hot it is, but I know that day, after turning on the oven, it was 84 degrees. Eek! In my defense, I did NOT want to waste the pastry sheets, so away I went. I blind-baked them and used my little tiny cupcake baking tins, so they were just these beautiful, golden little cups. Then I googled a no-bake pie filling recipe for ingredient ideas, but I knew I didn't have the right proportions of anything, so I completely made it up as I went along. I cooked some water, cornstarch (thanks Betty), sugar and raspberries and mashed them all up. Then I tasted, added a little more sugar, some lime juice and a little more sugar. I chilled it for a bit, filled the cups and then drizzled chocolate over the tops and put just a little sprinkle of powdered sugar. I don't mind saying, they are delish! I am attaching a photo because I have a very awesome friend who always wants to see my successes.

Very nostalgic, very tasty, and very HOT.

xox

Morroco! (and Spell-Check Hates This Entry)

Betty would be going bats#*t crazy!!!

Last month, my mom's trip to Morocco didn't happen because of the volcanic ash cloud. Since I really love my mom, and I really love to cook, I decided to make her a traditional (well, as traditional as I could get) Moroccan Meal. It was such a unique experience to cook a six-course meal, not one item of which I had made before. Because Scott is awesome, he downloaded a Moroccan music playlist and I even went to Fabricland to buy rich, colourful fabrics to decorate the table. I basically destroyed my kitchen, but then we brought everything over to my mom's and served it there. Here is what went down in my little kitchen: (if you happen to be Moroccan and I've made any mistakes in my research as to what constitutes "traditional" I apologize, but I did my best)

1. Traditionally, in Morocco, people eat with their hands. So the hostess puts a towel over her arm and walks around the table with a pitcher and a little basin, pouring rose water over people's hands... my mom had a pitcher and basin that I had gotten for her in Portugal one summer, and I had lemons, not roses, but you get the picture.

2. First course: Bstilla. (Bah-stee-yah) Really? This was a sort of chicken pot-pie made with phyllo pastry. I was so nervous about using the phyllo, mostly because at some point in my life I had seen something on the Food Network that led me to believe it's impossible. It wasn't! You boil chicken, water, butter, onions and parsley. Then you shred the chicken and put it back into the liquid. Then, you go take a shower and have a little cry because you're stressed while your husband cooks the mixture until the liquid is all gone. Then, and this is the WEIRD part, you put five sheets of phyllo (with about a gallon of butter between each one) into a baking dish and sprinkle cinnamon, ground almonds and icing sugar. Then you put the chicken mixture in, cover the whole thing with phyllo (and more butter, Betty would be so happy) and bake. I was so afraid this would be gross. It was absolutely delicious, according to my guests (not all of whom, by the way, were family and were required to like what I made... YES!!!!)

3. Second Course: Kefta or kabobs. Ground beef with a million fresh herbs and spices. Delish!

4. Third Course: Lamb Tagine with caramelized onions. This was basically like a stew, served with flat bread. I had to forgo the lamb meat (um, maybe I should rethink teaching and start raising lambs? Apparently they are worth their weight in gold. Or at least Manolos) I went with lamb sausage instead, which looked, smelled and tasted amazing. Murphy and Lilly did not leave the kitchen once while this was cooking... puppies like lamb. Ew.

5. Fourth Course: Eggplant Salad. I have to do further research as to why you slice eggplant, salt it, let it sit for 1/2 hour and then rinse and dry it... seemed kind of weird. Anyway, you do that and complain about it to Scott, then you cook it with tomatoes and peppers and vinegar and mash it all up. Chill and serve with lemon. Everyone liked this but me. I am not a fan of the eggplant per se.

6. Fifth Course: Vegetable Couscous. Turmeric is pretty and yellow and flavourful, but don't get it on your white shirt if you are stupid and are cooking a Moroccan feast in a white shirt. Again, this was not my fave.

7. Sixth Course: Dessert! Now, my mother has the type of sweet tooth that is rather insatiable. By this I mean, there is nothing sweet enough to please her unless you actually injected her with butter tart filling. So I decided against most Moroccan pastries and went with coconut truffles. The coolest thing about these was that the recipe was on youtube and they were actually quite sweet and delicious. Oh, sweetened condensed milk, I love you.

All in all, this was a very successful first day of holidays for me. And it was a very happy birthday for my mom. It was fun to try some different recipes and while I'm not saying I'm going to hurry up and put icing sugar and cinnamon on the chicken breast I'm cooking tonight, I won't cross it off the list forever.

xox

The Prodigal Chef

Okay, well... sorry? I guess I should explain the extended absence from posting, but I have really really GREAT excuses!!! First of all, this has definitely been one of my most challenging school years, and I wouldn't have gotten through it without my mom, my sister, my friends or my amazing husband. Yes, for those of you reading who don't know, I have a HUSBAND now. See why it's been a busy year?

The last time I posted was at the end of November, right after my sister's amazing wedding. Almost exactly a month later, on New Year's Eve, Scott proposed. It was fun and amazing and quirky (I still have the green Ring Pop I got right after dinner, despite it being replaced with a diamond at midnight... sigh... he's good!) Anyway, we were not into a year-long wait, so we quickly planned a killer wedding slated for March 19th... yup, about 11 weeks later. The wedding? Perfect. Absolutely perfect. I really liked being a bride, and I had the coolest-ever shoes (two pair!)

After the wedding came Scott's birthday and then finals and just as he was giving up on school altogether, he got an acceptance to Teachers' College close to home! This meant another celebration, and me quickly going into teacher mode to help him pass the one final he needed in order to go in the fall (which was the most challenging). We found out he passed at the end of May, I started end-of-school-year preparations and then turned thirty. Yesterday was the last day of school and as of Monday at three I will be finished for the summer. So, readers, between the parties and the stress and the work, I let Betty go... It was for her own good.

So here is the new plan: Betty's a little boring... I love her, but I've been trying to follow the "Yeast-Buster" way of eating, which excludes wheat, yeast, sugar and dairy... I feel way better and this may help my health in terms of future babies. What I propose is this: I am going to continue blogging, but the premise will now be to make delicious recipes that follow my dietary restrictions (except wine, I mean, really) and beat Betty at her game!!!

Thoughts?

xox